I fear openness. It’s true. There is almost nothing worse that puts me into a depressive-like state than leaving my heart/mind open for too long. Why? Being a highly sensitive and self-aware person, and I pick up nearly everything coming in. That can be sometimes very exhausting. On the other hand, it is a beautiful gift which lets me experience the world in an extraordinary fashion. However, unless, I give myself room to breathe or decompress, I run the risk of slipping into a depression or burnout. When that happens to me, there is one way to recover and get back on the journey – painting!
I received a lot of hurtful rejections this month. I created designs that didn’t fit well into the companies’s market research, or my ideas were unable to be realised due to engineering limitations. Naturally, fear of openness was building up. After the last rejection, I simply had enough. I decided to explore those feelings with painting. I opened to those emotions, to that fear, anxiety, hopelessness, unworthiness and everything that had been building up, and decided to use all of it to create something great. I found positivity, love and happiness again.
Trying to be open to everything all the time is impossible. After all, we are humans and we have to respect that fear is an inevitable part of us. But we do have a choice as to whether to act on that fear or challenge it, overcome it and love it!
I present Fear of Openness…
Fear of Openness (2017). Cotton canvas 73cm x 100cm. Acrylics. By Miroslavo Art.
The original painting is for sale.[:]